Friday, November 14, 2014

Day tripper

I took this picture of L last month, covered with smooches from his almost-cousin Posie.

He's so big now.  He's still the tiniest one in his K4 class, but it doesn't seem to stand out so much anymore. 

He had his first field trip today.  He carried his little sachel, stocked with a nothing but a water bottle and packet of seaweed, on to the bus and I didn't sweat it for a second.

I didn't even think of spare clothes until it was all over and he was back at school safe and sound.  I was patting myself on the back, to be honest.  How calm and cool I was, not stressing unnecessarily about him.  Trusting that he could handle a half-day trip away from school.

He hasn't had a single seizure at school yet (63 days and counting) and only one close call during a fast-paced PE game.

But how comfortable should I let myself get?  Sure, it's been months, but he could have had a seizure today.  I make sure that he has spare clothes in every classroom he visits throughout the week and I sent him out today with no backup.  It wasn't even a calculated decision.  I just forgot, completely.  Am I getting over-comfortable?

I go back and forth, but today it didn't feel like a big deal.  If someone had asked me if I was worried, I might have answered, "About what?"

The longer I coast in the "no big deal" zone, though, the worse it feels when it eventually happens. Maybe there is a benefit to the needless worry.  At least you aren't blindsided.


  1. I can't even tell you how much I understand. It reminds me of Bobby and his peanut allergy. His entire first year of school I was practically paralyzed with fear. Every single day I would think of the ways in which he might come in contact with peanuts and have a reaction. (and never make it home).

    As time went on, I worried less and less on a daily fact he's at school right now and I haven't thought about his allergy for all.

    In some ways that's good. You can't live at that level of stress and worry forever. It's too much. You have to find a "new normal". But in some ways, I worry if I am becoming too complacent and it will lead to disaster. I just don't know.

    I think it's just hard. I'm right there with you. --Lisa

    PS. I'm so happy that school is going so well and he's not had a single seizure at school! And that kissy picture is ADORABLE!!

    1. You know, thank you for posting that. On the one hand, it's always nice to feel connected and not alone. But on the other hand, imagining you worrying about his life actually being on the line... It makes me remember that I shouldn't fuss so much about the seizures.

      You know the old line about how if everyone's problems were lined up, you'd choose your own again...