Is it really time already?
When it was time to apply for M's kindergarten interview, I was overjoyed. My boy was growing up! Bring on the new experiences!
Now that it's L's turn, I'm equally happy for him but also a little shocked. Where did the time go? Kindergarten already?!
L, on the other hand, has been ready since M's second day of school. If he could start tomorrow, he would!
When August rolls around, he'll be a full 10 months younger than M was on his first day, but they are different. Social things are easier for him, and I'm not worried.
His seizures. I ticked epilepsy/seizures on the medical history form and gave myself a few minutes to worry without just turning it off and assuring myself that it would be ok.
He is such a sweet and sensitive kid. Just seeing a picture of a grouchy face can make him tear up. The only movies he will watch are Totoro and Cars, because they don't have "mean guys". How can I send him to school knowing that kids are going to tease him when the inevitable happens? Because it will. And they will.
Or if they don't tease, they will think he's weird and scary, and look at him with fear and distrust. Grouchy faces.
I know every kid has to learn to get along with peers and every kindergartener experiences his share of teasing... but not every kid's body does such scary-looking things that they can't control. I can't blame other kids for thinking it looks weird and scary because it does.
But he doesn't know what his seizures look like to other people. He doesn't know yet that he is "supposed" to be embarrassed by them. I don't even think he really realizes that seizures aren't a part of every kid's life. I know at some point he has to figure out all those things, but that doesn't mean I don't still want to protect him while I can.
I thought of other things, too, like seizures when he's alone in the hallway or during swimming class. Older kids, bullies, who might try to trigger one on purpose. And well-meaning people who might try to act on old misconceptions like restraining him or forcing something into his mouth.
But the worst is knowing that when it happens, the only person he will want is me, and I won't be there.
And then my allotted time for worrying is over, and I brush it all aside. It will be fine. His teacher can handle it. We will teach people about it so they understand. He'll learn to recover without a snuggle on mom's lap.
My boy is growing up! Bring on the new experiences!