Friday, October 25, 2013

Strawberry-humble pie

Yesterday our friends came to town for a volleyball tournament, all the way from Korea.

I've written about Malia before, and Mika, and how she will always be so special to me as M's first friend.  And she was just as lovely as ever.

The kids played together so sweetly.

And I got to entertain sweet baby Kona  for a while while the big kids played.

And, as it happens, have a generous piece of humble pie, too.  As toddlers do, Kona reached for my snack - strawberries.  I (embarrassingly) couldn't remember exactly how old Kona was or exactly when babies eat what, so I asked her big sister. "Does Kona eat regular food?  Like snacks?  Could Kona have this?"   She assured me that she could, and I gave it to her.  Just like that.

I didn't even think of what I was doing.  What had frustrated me about other moms so many times. I just fed someone else's kid and, aside from making sure she could eat finger food, I didn't even think twice about whether or not I should.

I ran to apologize to Malia and make sure it was ok.  She was in the middle of a game (sorry Malia!) but was fine with it. But I wasn't.  I felt awful.  It wasn't the strawberry, since she didn't mind.  It was my own attitude.  How dare I?  I didn't want to admit the truth, even to myself, but it was undeniable.  I am a hypocrite.  I expect other people to check with me before they feed my kids, but I didn't hold myself to the same standard.  And the worst is the reason why.  Because I "knew" the strawberries were fine. I didn't really think it through in that moment, but subconsciously, I believe that anything I would feed a kid would be fine, (read: unlike all those lowlifes who feed kids crap and need to check with me first.)  Ugggg.  Feel horrible.  I'm still imaging- what if she was allergic to strawberries? What if Malia hadn't said anything because she figured I knew better than to feed other people's kids?

So, though I still prefer people check with me before they feed my kids, I understand now when they don't.  People trust themselves and their judgement.  It feels normal.  I can only expect people to respect our diet if I explain it myself.


  1. Aww I hate that!! And by that I mean: being wrong, being caught as a hypocrite, and feeling like an asshole.

    The fact that you cared, and checked and still feel bad makes up for it, I think.

    1. Thanks Tara! It makes me feel a little better when I think we've all found ourself in a place where we've messed up.

  2. Oh, I feel you.
    I did a similar thing recently, and it was like a slap in the face. Bobby has a peanut allergy and I always felt that people who "forgot" or didn't even think of that in the past when bringing in treats for their children's birthday for school were insensitive and hateful. (because then he'd have to sit there in class while everyone else was eating and celebrating a birthday. When he was little it made him cry)...
    Fast forward to last week when Lucy brought in a treat for her birthday to share with the class...
    I ordered her chocolate chip cookies, picked them up, etc...and the night before we brought them in she said, "Wait, what do you have for Ryan? He can't have gluten. He can't have a chocolate chip cookie."
    OH, HELL!!! You see , I KNEW that. They told us at Parents' Night...and it just sort of slipped my mind through the entire "birthday treat" process this year. GAH. I have (privately, of course) complained --let's just say-- strenuously about people who have done this to Bobby in the past, and there I was ALMOST DOING IT MYSELF like an idiot. Thank GOODNESS Lucy tipped me off and it was the night before when I still had time to call his mom and find out what was appropriate to bring for him, too.

    I cannot tell you how awful I felt for being that person who forgot that and how I have always felt about "those people"...and now I was one. UGH. It's the worst.
    (But it made me feel better that all of those people probably aren't doing it on purpose and probably haven't been awful all along. They are just normal, forgetful people like everyone me it turns out)
    But boy do I feel you. Blergh.
    (But, in the end, it's good to realize the things you need to do to keep your boys safe...) :) --Lisa

    1. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
      Your comment made me feel so human.

  3. I love your transparency, Robin. While I totally understand that this was something that helped you relate to other moms who might feed your kids without asking, give yourself credit for asking Mika first! ^^ She may be only 5, but if there were a real food threat, I would've prepped Mika to guard Kona Mae against it. Yeah...maybe I give her too much responsibility for her age...?

    Regardless, the incident didn't stick in my memory bank. I loved seeing your family--even briefly it was a huge blessing.

    And btw, I love that first photo that captures both Mika and Miles with full smiles. ^^ A short but super sweet visit!

    1. You are so gracious. I did think of that, that I asked Mika, but it still felt so bad. I'm glad it was nothing serious and I really did learn my lesson.