On Sunday, L fell during church and bumped his head. I just got him in to the bathroom before the seizure started. It's happened a million times, but for some reason I felt so alone, sitting on the concrete floor, holding him as he soaked my lap.
We haven't dealt with that many public ones, it's just still hard.
I am not ashamed of L's seizures. I don't hide that he has them, or worry what anyone would think if they saw one.
It's just that I don't want a bunch of people crowding around or trying to help. The moment is stressful enough without having people shouting suggestions, or asking what is going on, or do we need an ambulance? Once he had one at a pool, and a crowd of kids gathered around laughing. So I try to take him away when I can.
But then, when it's over, I sometimes feel so burdened. After a few minutes, he's alright again, but I feel so shaken. And though I still don't want a crowd, I guess I do want a little support. Someone to run to the car and get his change of clothes, or offer to keep an eye on M for a minute so I can pull myself together. I'm too good at sneaking away. I don't even think anyone noticed on Sunday. Our church is full of people who love us and would be happy to help. It's just the sort of thing that is nice when you don't have to ask for it.
There's something else, too. Today he hurt himself on the playground, and Whim, who was nearest to him, whisked him off to the bathroom as soon as it started to look like he was going to have one. I know exactly what motivated him, but it was the first time I'd seen someone else do it, and it looked like he was trying to hide it. What we do now sets the tone for how L will see his seizures in the future. They are a part of him and I don't ever want him to think he should be afraid of having one in front of other people.