I had forgotten how bad M's reactions used to be.
Sometimes, when M is being frustrating, Whim and I will start asking each other, "Is this a reaction?"
This morning is my reminder. No. Or maybe. I don't know. I'm starting to think M has two kinds of reactions: one that makes it hard for him to have self control and one that makes him emotional. Anyway. Today was the emotional kind, and it is definitely the worse of the two.
M was in full meltdown from almost the moment he walked through our bedroom door this morning. He was bawling because L woke up. That's it. Normally M wakes up before L, and it didn't seem "right" to him that L had woken up just as he did. He was overcome with frustration, sadness, and anger. All at once. This is the kind of thing that we used to have to deal with every single day.
I thought he had pulled it together by the time we went downstairs, but the next meltdown started as I was mixing up the pancakes. This time because L sat in 'his' chair. Again I was reminded how hard it was to do anything at all when M was like this constantly. Today his reaction put L on edge and I was dealing with two crying, freaked-out kids. Needless to say, I didn't finish the pancakes.
I turned around and made magic chocolate on the spot, and man, that stuff works. No more meltdowns for the rest of the day. He wasn't perfect, but he never is. He was back to normal.
I'm sure some reader may see this and think that all M needs is discipline, boundaries, a spanking, or whatever. But the thing is, M responds normally to discipline and reason when he is on a clean diet. He is completely beyond both when he is having a reaction. No man or method can reach him. Seeing him at a low point today helped me see how far he has come, and I am grateful.
So the culprit? I don't know. He had a few things yesterday that were different than normal.
Yesterday he had Annie's Organic fruitsnacks in his stocking, but that was first thing in the morning and they are Feingold approved. Seems unlikely.
Then there was the birthday cake, which was right before bed. Arrowhead Mills yellow cake mix and Allowrie butter in the icing. I'm almost sure the cake mix was approved, too, and it definitely read clean. Not sure.
So that leaves the butter, and it is the most suspicious. Isn't butter supposed to be creamy white? The label said "Pure" but what does that mean, really? It's bright yellow, and the ingredients on the package don't add up to 100%. I haven't had any luck finding any info online, but there is an address I can write to. Until then, no more cake.
And the pancakes? I gave up and poured them in a muffin tin. They weren't the most delicious breakfast I've ever made, but they were good with maple syrup. And no butter!