Monday, December 24, 2012

M the ring bearer

Saturday was P' Wum's wedding (Whim's older sister).

She was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.

The hall was gorgeous, the music was wonderful, (thanks to Whim!) and everyone looked amazing in their fanciest clothes.  It was the perfect wedding.


Except for one of the ring bearers. 

One little boy who just wouldn't cooperate.  He walked down the aisle alongside the groom (grudgingly), but instead of standing calmly beside him for the rest of the ceremony, he decided to spice things up.  He swung the pillow (actually a teddy bear with built-in ring box) recklessly by the leg.  When the officiant announced it was a time for a special song, he took advantage of the silence that followed to belt out "Amazing Grace".  At one point he flopped to the ground.  Finally, when he walked over to try to blow out the unity candle, I stepped in.

Yes, that's right.  It was M.

If I wasn't one of the bridesmaids, I could have sneaked backstage and called him off as soon as it became clear that he wasn't going to cooperate.  As it was, I was trapped onstage, humiliated, until the threat of candle-blowing sparked me into action.  I quietly sent him off stage to sit with his grandparents.  Instead, he found a stranger with an iPad and sat quietly playing for the rest of the ceremony.  Close enough?

The second the wedding was over, I ran into an adjoining room and cried.  My cheeks still burn when I think of it.  The worst part was having to pull myself together and brave the reception dinner afterward.  A handful of clucking grandmother-types and whispered "If that was my son..." comments confirmed my biggest fear - everyone in the auditorium was judging me and declaring me a terrible mother.  M had ruined the wedding, and I felt terrible.

Then, yesterday, the weirdest thing happened.  Everyone kept saying how adorable the boys were during the ceremony (Ln was the other ring-bearer.  He was lovely.)  Every time I brought up how awful M was, people laughed it off and said it was cute.  I called P' Wum and P' Boy to apologize for M and they laughed it off, too.   I thought back to all the naughty things he had done, and while they were totally inappropriate, they didn't seem quite as horrible as they felt at the time.

So here's the thing.   I think it's possible that my reaction might have been due, at least in part, to.... being hungry.  We didn't get to each lunch that day because of wedding prep, and I get really emotional sometimes when I miss a meal.  I have been known to cry because I can't decide what I want to eat.  It's ridiculous, I know, but when I get like that, I am completely beyond reason.  Could it be that M's antics were the stuff of wedding memories and funny home videos and not the disobedient treachery it seemed to be at the time?

Anyway, I'm so bummed now because I missed the entire wedding.  I spent the whole time stressing and worrying and being embarrassed, and even long after M had left the stage, I didn't take even a moment to soak in the beautiful scene.  My sister got married.  A nephew being crazy and silly is forgivable.  But what about a sister who is so frazzled and stressed out that she isn't even present?

I hope the answer is still yes.


  1. Of course the answer is still yes! I know what it feels like to be so embarrassed by our children that we forget to be present in the moment. But it's okay! We're moms and that means we are worriers. I'm sorry you felt so bad you had to cry, and I'm angry at those people who judge you for being a terrible mother. These things happen! We can't always control our kids, and I think it definitely is a wedding memory that will make everyone laugh. At least, it isn't what happened in my uncle's wedding--where everyone remembers my very unhappy face as a flower girl. At least, your son was full of life and joy! Also, how funny is it that he found a stranger to entertain him with an iPad. Congratulations to your sister on her wedding! She looks absolutely gorgeous in that beautiful wedding dress.

    1. Thank you for your kind comment Xiomara. This was a few months ago, and I am lucky to have a sweet and forgiving sister-in-law who sees the good in everything. She has made me feel much better about the whole thing. :)

  2. What kid WOULDN'T try to blow out a candle? That's all they know about candles.